Feeling Your Gentleness from the Touch of Your Fingertips 划过指尖的温柔

Author: 爱荣 Ai Rong
Date: 2006-11-06 14:58:13
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Translated by Daydreamer on November 23, 2006

You’ve left us for many years now. Your songs have been listened to for many years and your concerts have been watched over and over again for a thousand times.

After watching them, my heart turned from excitement to tranquility, and then to the current state of silence. What makes me different from other people is that there is still a faint trace of palpitation deep in my heart.

Lately, I suddenly discovered that I have always had your everything blend into my life. Actually, my movement and action which are deeply affected by you all have your shadow in them.

Re-watching your performances, the ‘85 concert, then the ‘86, ‘88, ‘89, ‘97, and then the Passion Tour, I suddenly discovered that when you interacted with your fans, when you were close to them, and when you shook hands with them, I could actually feel in my heart your gentleness from the touch of your fingertips.

In ’85, you were young and full of inexhaustible fervor, yet you were also so helpless. Those fans who were crazy about you almost tore you apart. Then came ’89, you became very mature and were capable to keep the contact with your fans under control. The scene that touches me most is when you bent your upper body forward touching the fingertips of a fan. That fan did not know how fortunate she has been to have that honour. Then in the Passion Tour, your fast beat songs and your speedy run, with the coordination of your fans’ enthusiasms, you achieved the goal of a perfect performance and you were already in control of everything.

Your love towards your fans is all over the place; and your affection towards them can be seen everywhere.

Your love, we’ve known. Your affection, we’ve already accepted. However, that is not enough. Because of you, we are strict with ourselves; because of you, we always behave ourselves everywhere, as we do not want to smear the honourable title of a Leslie fan.

Some times, I would also think that if there was next life, I would ignore all consequences and use up all the resources to be close to you, to hug you, and to feel your gentleness. Some times, I would comfort myself that although I had not come face to face with you, there were innumerable people who are just like me. I would merely treat it as a dream.

In my mind, that scene can never be gotten rid of. In a flash memory, I always thought that how nice it would be if I were that fan. I know that is only a dream, therefore there will never be any more fantasy. Knowing that it will never be realized, I therefore keep it in my memory.

I remember that many years ago, my first time learning how to drink coffee, for somehow, I suddenly recalled that you said to your fans that you would open a coffee shop. I also thought that if at all possible I would certainly go to your coffee shop and taste the coffee. Many years later, in deep agony and despair, I still cannot give up my dream about the coffee. Even after you have left us, I still love the coffee as before, merely because of your touching promise to your fans, and because of your kindness to them.

Actually, no matter whether it is in the past, at present, or in the future, you have not left me at all. Actually, from your pictures, your songs, your movies, your performance, your everything, I can constantly feel your gentleness. Therefore, often when I am awake, I will close my eyes and imagine, imagine that your fingertips are gently touching mine, carrying a trace of warmth and a trace of gentleness.

Looking back again, my eyes are all moist and everything becomes a blur. Looking back again, our minds meet.

A little bit of envy and a little bit of jealousy. But helplessly I could only smile and say to myself that let’s meet again in our next life.

For those past years, I was lucky to have you accompanying me.

Gripping your hand that reaches out through space and time, let me stare into your eyes which are full of warmth, sincerity and tenderness.

At this moment, my fingertips again can feel your gentleness, and at this time, my heart for you is as before.